literature

Sibling Switch

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Literature Text

"But dad,' yelled Darian as he pointed his index finger at his twin sister.  'I didn't do anything wrong.  It was all Danielle's fault".

"It was not!  You had a hand in Darian," responded Danielle defensively.

"Now let's not start pointing fingers.  Both of you should have known better.  You two aren't children anymore.  You both were a part of the fight at school.  And it was with each other.  Telling your sister that girls are bad because they aren't as strong as boys isn't giving credit for what girls can do Darian.  Danielle you should know better than to punch your own brother in the nose because he said something inconsiderate,' stated their father, Matt.  'Both of you are going to be grounded for the next two weeks and that is final".

"Two weeks,' stated the twins simultaneously.  'But that isn't fair".

"Just go to your rooms," stated Matt firmly.  "Your mother will be home soon and she will talk to you two when she hears about what you two did at school today".

The sixteen year old twins pouted but did what they were told.  Both of them slammed their respective doors as they entered their rooms.  Danielle's room was painted dark blue and purple; she wanted to make an alternative statement, to go along with several posters on the walls of bands like Evanescence, Within Temptation, and Nightwish. Wearing dark colors and having long black hair was Danielle's MO.  Darian on the other hand was the more traditional twin who like sports; mainly football, soccer, and baseball.  His room was filled with posters of baseball, football, and soccer stars.  He also liked to listen to country music from Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, and Garth Brooks.  Wearing Sport's t-shirts and jeans was a part of the prototypical day for Darian.  Several things that the twins shared was that they were both naturally athletic and both still keeping their bodies in shape by running.  No matter what was going on between them or in their lives they both found time to go running together in the mornings five times a week.  

"I can' believe it.  My sister is getting away with it again.  She punched me and isn't even being punished severally.  Like she should," Darian said harshly to himself.

In the next room Danielle stated bleakly, "He just gets away with everything doesn't he?  Just because he is boy and is into all those sports makes him the favorite in this family.  How could dad take his side over mine"?

In frustration, both of the twins said at the same time, "I wish the other would understand where I am coming from.  They just don't understand me".

An hour later their mother, Katherine, came home from her job as an RN and heard the whole story about what had happened that day at school from Matt.  

Being upset that her own twin children, of the age of sixteen, had to be told that fighting about something like this on school grounds was not appropriate.    "Children come out to the living room now," she demanded.  

The two of them came out of their rooms at the same time and slammed their room doors at the same time.  Giving each other a nasty look they both walked into the living room and onto the family couch.  Both couldn't look up at their mother so they looked down at the oak finished wooden floor.  

"You two just started your junior year of high school and you two are fighting each other!  How could you two be such polar opposites?  You two are twins for god's sake.  Now you two are suspended for a whole week.  What exactly do you two have to say for yourselves? Don't give me the whole hoopla about how it was the other's fault," Katherine said brazenly.   

Danielle spoke up first, "Mother, there was nothing else I could do.  He was insulting me by saying I couldn't do the same things he could.  I had to defend myself".

Darian stated, "Well it is true mom.  Girls can't do as well as men in things that are physically demanding".

Seeing the problem immediately, Katherine quickly decided it was best that they somehow worked together to learn how that the other could still add value to their relationship.  Carefully picking her words she said, "You two will have to show a little more respect for each other.  As of right now your father's grounding of two weeks still stands but don't be surprised if we both decide that a more severe punishment will be handed to you two tomorrow morning.  Now go to your rooms.  I don't want to see the either of you until dinner and I expect that you two will not to say a word during dinner.  Now go back to your rooms".

With that they both got up and walked back to their rooms.  In a passive-aggressive way of defiance they both slammed their doors shut.  

The rest of the evening went smoothly.  Dinner went on without a sound from either of the twins.  And they were both sent back to their rooms right after dinner; not knowing their punishment.  

They both slowly went back to their rooms.  Darian state, "This sucks.  How can we get punished for something so trivial"?

"You should be punished you ass hole.  You have no respect for women," stated an angry Danielle.  

"Well you smartass you should control that temper of yours.  No one can get close to you with your attitude.  Hell, I can hardly stand my own sister because you act so much like a bitch," responded Darian, reproachfully.

Before Danielle could respond Darian walked into his room and slammed his door shut.  

"You will get what you deserve," stated Danielle under her breath.  She went into her room and slammed the door behind her.

After several more hours of doing their own thing in their respected rooms both Darian and Danielle went to bed within 10 minutes of each other.  

Both twins had weird dreams that included each other switching bodies, living out their lives the other person, and liking being the opposite sex.  It seemed that neither one of them was able to get into deep sleep and actually have a peaceful rest.  

The next morning Danielle's alarm went off like usual at 7 am.  Scratching her face she notices that there seems to be some stubble of hair. Finding that odd, Danielle immediately opened her eyes and noticed that her room was different.  It was filled with posters of sports stars that she had no clue about.  But she didn't completely comprehend what made up her surroundings and what it was telling her.  Sitting up Danielle looked around more closely, processing what she was seeing around her.  

Suddenly, she heard a scream coming from the room next to her.  She thought it was Darian, although the voice seemed to be feminine in nature, but felt it was best if she went to help.   Without thinking Danielle ran out of her room and into the room next to her.  

There she found a girl with a shocked expression on her face she glared at the full mirror that is a part of the closet.  The surreal part was that the girl looked exactly her.  A girl with obviously died black hair and wearing dark colored pajama's.  The girl looked at Danielle and screamed again and nearly fainted.  The girl began to stumble.  Before the girl could fall over Danielle caught her and helped her steady herself.  

The girl looked up at Danielle and said, "Why do you have my face?"

"What?" responded a confused Danielle, a more masculine voice coming from her mouth.

"Look in the mirror," responded the girl.  

Still a little puzzled, Danielle looked into the mirror.  What she saw was nothing less than astonishing.  She saw Darian's face looking back at her.  Shocked, Danielle just stared opened mouthed at her reflection.  

Several moments past before Danielle snapped out of the shock.  She turned to what appeared to be her and said, "Darian?  Is that you?"

"Yes, is that you Danielle?" responded the person in Danielle's body.

"Yes,' responded Danielle.  'What happened to us Darian?"

"I don't know.  This is just too weird being in your body,' stated Darian.  'We have to bring this up to mom and dad".  

"No!  We can't tell them.  They will just think we are crazy and not take us seriously,' responded Danielle.  'We have to act like we are our normal selves until we can figure out what exactly happened to us.  That means that you have to act like me and I have to act like you until everything is fixed."

"How do I do that?  I have no clue about how to wear make-up and wear girly clothing.  Plus, I'm a guy.  Guys don't wear girly clothing," responded Darian.

Giving a smirk to Darian at the irony of the statement he just made Danielle stated, "You do realize how silly that sounds since you are now technically a girl."

"Oh shut up.  You know what I mean.  I wasn't meant for this body," Darian said defensively.  

'Ok well you still have live in it until we can switch back.  So deal with it," responded Danielle.

"Kids, are you alright up there?  I thought I hear someone scream.  Breakfast is ready and if you don't come down soon then you will miss the bus to school," stated their mother, Katherine.  

"We will be right down," said Danielle.

"We have to figure this out fast before they notice that something has changed," whispered Darian.

"I know.  But all we can do right now is go to school as each and figure things out when we get home,' responded Danielle.  'Here, I will show you how to apply the make-up."

Sighing Darian accepted that he need to get his make-up done, however humiliating that it made him feel.  He followed Danielle to the make-up stand and sat down in front of the mirror.
I thought I would try somethign different in my writing. I hope people like it. Please comment and add a critique. I always prefer critique's so I can improve on my writing.
Comments21
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Kymira12's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/n/i…" alt=":iconinspiretheuninspired:" title="InspireTheUninspired" /> #InspireTheUninspired

Firstly, I would just like to say that anything I write is strictly my opinion and you are free to ignore this.

Vision: You seem to have a clear idea on what your theme is but it is slightly unclear to me about the emotions involved so that is why I chose to give you four stars.

Originality: I chose two stars for originality because so far there seems to be no unique twist to this story. It is hard to see what you plan to do with this but for right now it is too similar to the movie 'Freaky Friday'. It's also littered with cliche's and when you continue this story, I'd suggest trying to avoid any common themes or phrases. It's in my understanding that this is just a story sketch(?) so it'll be interesting to see what you make out of this to make it your own.

Technique: There's only a few things I have a problem with but they are very nitpickety so feel free to ignore most of this. The first thing I notice when reading this is how you change between quotation marks. It's a little bit disorienting for me when reading it but that is only because I am use to the ' when reading thoughts.

When you finish your sentences after your dialogue, I noticed you place the period after the quotation mark. I was wondering why you choose to do so in your piece? It is in my understanding that they go inside the quotation mark regardless but I know in some cases it is acceptable to place them outside. I am curious about your reasoning.

You might want to avoid abbreviations at least until you use in in full first. It may confuse people if you include them without explaining what it is and the thought would be lingering in their mind about what it could possibly be.

Another thing is you need to remember 'Action before reaction'. I'll use this as an example 'Still a little puzzled, Danielle looked into the mirror.' The action of looking into the mirror should be placed after her puzzled reaction.

Whenever you place 'Two' whenever talking about the twins is redundant since in every instance you've used it we can gather you are talking about the twins. I also think you should avoid using short sentences since the abruptness can cause a little friction in my train of thoughts. In order to avoid this, I would suggest joining sentences to create one larger one.

Impact: I chose three and a half stars for impact because since this is only the beginning there isn't much emotional depth that I can gather. I don't get much out of it right now but that will most likely change as the story goes on.

Overall: I like what you've done so far and I look forward to reading what you come up with to make this story unique. It has a good basis and you should definitely continue writing more <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a…" width="15" height="15" alt=":aww:" title="Aww"/>